{ feeling : angry
{ hearing : will & grace on a loud volume level

I try to refrain from ever writing about my parents because maybe I fear them finding this or more so, I fear writing something I completely regret. Mostly I don’t write since it seems like such a emo/goth/generally very annoying teenager thing to do.

It’s hard to express what I’m feeling. I guess that’s part of the reason I don’t write about it. I mean, all these years I’ve been an only child, spoiled rotten, and pretty much a massive disappointment to both my parents considering they are Asian.

They say you shouldn’t stereotype but feel free to in this case. I realize now sure they try to act lax but I know it’s always been an act. There’s no real pleasing Asian parents.

I’m in this current situation with my parents where they “want the best for me” so they want me to go into a career that makes me lots of money and easy job opportunities but at the same time, they say things like how my current decision is a “waste of time” as well as “selfish”.

Also, stating numerous times (over and over and over) they’ve done everything for me until now and the least I could do is continue studying something I don’t like, enjoy, or even excel in for their happiness. “Only three more years.”

Before my decision to change majors, my parents kept on saying they would support me no matter what. Before my freshman year in college, they kept saying that even if I went into art, they’d support me. Hell, when I was still friends with Spike, I felt pretty proud of my parents saying they’d support me whatever my decision was because at that time, her parents loathed the idea of her going into any sort of art field.

She’s in Columbia now. I’m in the process of applying. Her parents could care less. My parents keep on talking about disowning me.

I guess they reached their breaking point. Spoiling one child for 19 years with nothing but disappointment could probably do a number on people.

I keep trying to think of the situation in their point of view. If I was a parent, y’know? But all I would think is if my kid was happy with his or her choice, I’d be happy too.

I do feel selfish about my decision and kind of scared about the possible difficulties after all my school is done but it’s my life, it’s a field I enjoy and excel at, and if it takes a little struggle to do what I want to do, I’ll take it.